January 8, 2019

I know what it is like to lose a Dad.
I don’t wish it on anyone.
The feeling of hurt and pain and loss of a parent gets to be overwhelming.
The parent as someone to talk to when lonely, sad, or just want to say “Hi” and catch up with.
There were times we didn’t get along and yelled at each other because we were frustrated or irritated with one another, but sooner rather than later we would make up and figure out the better solutions to our issues. Having him as a comforting blanket was important to me because I knew if anything went wrong or I didn’t know how to work through a difficult task, I had him to call.
My dad passed just before I found out I was going to be a father myself.
Feelings of loss and uncertainty of the future clouded my mind, but I soon pushed them aside to focus on getting ready for my work as a father.
However, as I write this on a plane leaving my two wonderful boys to return home, I painfully share this, the feelings are not for my biological father, but for my second dad who passed December 26, 2018.

You see, my father was absent. My sister tells me he loved us as she got to spend time with him before he passed, but I never got the time nor answers I needed to reconcile the past. Does this lack of a proper father model affect me? Of course. Even though we had another male in the house as we grew up, we were given the physical basics to survive and not much more. So, my examples of fatherhood are cobbled together from other fathers and watching what they did, said, and interacted with their children, my friends.
Hindsight is 20/20 and I see myself longing to interact with those men. I did so to a fault with my father in-law before he passed the same year as my dad, 2007.
Now I’m different. I don’t seek out the proper father model and try to emulate it. I have my own way to parent. From the pictures and stories it may seem really fun, but I tell you, we have bumps and rough patches, but we still love each other and will continue to no matter what.
To you who have fathers, take time to reflect on your relationship.
If estranged, reach out. You don’t know when time is over for one of you.
If you have a “everything is fine if I don’t call” relationship, call and simply say “Hi”. One of you will be glad you did.
If you have that great relationship everyone else is jealous of, keep it up because you have a rare thing.
One more thing, if your father has passed, find that person who was there for you and tell them you love them.

Rest in peace, Bruce.
I love you, man.

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