My first full day home since leaving for FETC.
I read an article about a young, 26, woman who committed suicide. Always a sad situation that can’t not be undone nor fully understood by those who are left behind. Whether we know them or not.
I share a link to her suicide note to give you context of what I’m about to say.
No, I’ve never thought about ending my life, mainly because I couldn’t leave questions of why in my family and friends’ minds and I don’t like pain inflicted on me much less inflicting it on myself.
She describes the best life of friends, family, traveling, experiencing life that others would never see. A part that resonated with me; “I often felt detached while in a room full of my favorite people.” I have felt the same way in the past. However, I took time to recognize this feeling and then look outside myself to others and how I could connect to them.
Then she talks about the things she will miss. Unexpected hugs, coffee, visual sights and tastes. Her tone struck me as one who knows that she will not be able to have those again, yet so detached from it. I have had the same feeling of detachment from all that was around me. It was as though I was walking through life and it was going on all around me. There were even times that I felt though I floated above it all watching myself and others.
One of her closing statements was Shikata ga’nai = It can not be helped.
I don’t know what could have helped her get a grip on her life or others and choose not to end her life, but I know what has kept me sane through my darkest times.
My Hope in God.
His Light shining through family and friends.
My Persistence to keep learning and growing into my purpose.
Rest in Peace, Tara.
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